We cannot forever hide the truth about ourselves, from ourselves. John McCain
I am days away from my 52nd birthday and have spent my life trying to become the best version of myself. The quest started as a result of being a child from a very dysfunctional family where tearing others down was considered the norm.
When I was in my late 20’s I stumbled onto a book by Wayne Dyer called “Your Erroneous Zones” and began to understand the power we have to change and shape our lives. Since then I have read countless books by some of my favorite authors such as Debra Ford, Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer to name a few.
I have done journaling, self-reflection, mediation and countless other techniques on my quest to discover the best version of myself. While I feel in many areas, I have made great progress and great strides, it still seems there is more work to be done.
Recently, a colleague suggested a book to me, “Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself” by Joe Dispenza. When you finish part 1 and 2 you feel informed and empowered. Then comes part 3, and regardless of how much work I have done and how much self-reflection I have practiced, I wasn’t ready for Step 2 of Part 3.
I had assumed I had faced all the monsters in my closet and understood becoming the best version of ourselves takes work, yet I had already done much of the heavy lifting of my past. Well that was my working theory until last week when I got to this section in the book.
Then there was all this stuff, all these thoughts and personas I had been hiding behind. That would have been bad enough. Yet the part that tore me up the most is I had no idea it was happening. Yet, here we are, my reality spilling over onto the page. I put on a front for my friends, family, work and yes even myself.
I have been doing this for years. I am who I think they want me to be. Yet, when we live in conflict with who we are and who we portray ourselves to be we can never really become who we truly want and intend to be. I realized I am “Insecure” which is funny because so many people I know would say I am confident and outgoing.
It hurts to face the truth to recognize your own scars to shine a light on your wounds, so they can begin to heal. In the quote above by John McCain he states, “We cannot forever hide the truth about ourselves, from ourselves.” This became so real as I begun to do this work.
I had been ignoring all the warning signs I had been getting for the last 20 years. I had been convinced regardless of all these signs that I was who I was pretending to be. I realized I had spent so much time hiding and now recognize the chaos, setbacks and frustrations, failing to face the truth has done over 20 years.
Now I face a new day and a new year and while this awareness is empowering there is still much work to do. To break out of those old habits to learn how to retrain my brain as Joe Dispenza puts it in his book. The excitement I feel about the potential this awareness will bring me and my life is my driving force to push through the hard stuff to begin living my life the way I have always intended.
If you want to challenge yourself, I would strongly encourage you to read this book with an open mind and you may just discover there is so much more to your power in your life than you ever realized.